Management style

Today had a review with my boss and my cfo. My boss explained about her rating after she discuss with the cfo. She ask me explain my own rating. I explained that I rate it based on my efforts and my focus on what I did for the year. She told me she understand but she mention sadly here doesnt recognize based on effort. 

I didnt say much because I know and I understand that rating is based on callibration. Is comparison with others in the company. Therefore, in comparison with others in the company and higher expectation I may not get the rating I want. I told her I rate myself is based on my own effort and how I rate myself doing for the year. I feel that despite the changes in the team both the accountant and I didnt let any project lapse. But I cant do comparison with how others have done because I wont know. Therefore, is up to the manager to decide about that after comparison. You cant have too many people doing too well. 

Talk to my cfo. She given me an explanation of why one of the higher management left. Actually Im quite happy that he left the company because I feel he is not as analytical to be in that role. He is being to operational and looking at too much details. I didnt told her this though. So she may have thought that I dont like him leaving. Hahaha. In actual I not on a good note with him.

 She also given me some feedback about management style. She mention that some ppl after becoming manager may think that in the company, subordinates should suit the manager's management style and not the manager suit the subordinates style. She said that is a common mistakes that manager have. Hmm sounds familiar because I mention about that to my boss. 

She also told me that as a manager ppl start to look at you. Will monitor you. So as a manager need to portray a flexible image to others. When we talk we need to be rounded. Less direct and more understanding. Listen to people. Observing and go with a suggestion or solution. How to resolve the prob. Dont make remarks too soon. I ask her about the collaboration between our team and BA is it the reason for the guy departure? She mention is one part but not the main. 

She told me how she look at me she feels I am her younger version of her. She used to be very direct etc and she hated a colleague of hers. But still became best friends. She say she "manipulate" and get things out of her. But she still hated her. I think she meant work besties. 😆 

I can understand what she mean. Everybody needs a different way of managing. If u keep challenging and opposing, u will not get what u needed or wanted to do. But if you know how to go with the flow and adjust, u can easily manipulate and control the situation to get what u needed and let ppl do the work for u. I can understand that given that I need to manage people from different country like philippines or vietnam. With their different culture. Saying this is also my way of informing her that I do have experience in managing people from difference country and culture. 

But for me is more of who is worth my effort. I also thought to myself we as a manager can also make a choice on who has better potential that we want to prioritize and put in more effort to help and grow. She mention speaking to subordinates is about 2 way communication which I agree. I told her when I speak to my subordinates I did present myself in that way. But if they still refuse to speak to me then what should I do? 

She say is about trust. If the person spoke to me but I rejected the idea etc. Or if the person make a mistake and I make it very big then it is hard for the person to trust me. I didnt say anything as I know trust takes time to build. For the AR role I knew the person that is not suited from the start. But I decided to give a chance as we needed help and I was force to choose. 

When she joined I gave the trust that she can do well. But was disappointed not on one occasion but a few occasions. My boss mention to me it reflected badly on my management skills. So I told myself this time I will not be pressured to choose one I feel not up to expectation. 

In opposed to what my manager mention, my cfo actually compliment me about my decisive decision to cut this AR due to incompetency and unsuitability. She told me that it actually only need to take a few weeks to see if the person is suitable. Looking more at long term and potential instead of short term. She supported me and agree with me that as a manager she trust that if I feel she is not suitable means she is not suitable. I appreciated that she has given me so much trust and confidence in me. 

Dealing with narcissist

 “Give ‘em an inch, and they’ll take a mile” is an expression almost perfectly suited to narcissists. So while it may at times be tempting to capitulate to their requests or demands (if only to get them off your back), don’t violate your ethical code simply to maintain a harmonious relationship with them

The way to “win” with narcissists is not to out-and-out triumph over them but to assertively preserve your integrity in dealing with them. Otherwise, in avoiding the so challenging task of standing up to them, you’ll just be defeating yourself.

Don’t permit narcissists to push your buttons. Again, this is no easy undertaking, for entitled individuals can easily try your patience and burrow deep beneath your skin (although, admittedly, their skin is likely a lot thinner than yours).

Don't Engage: Avoid arguing or trying to reason with the narcissist during a tantrum, as this can be futile. 

Practice Detachment: Try to view the tantrum as a performance and avoid taking it personally. 

Consider Time Limits: If the situation becomes overwhelming, try to set a time limit for the interaction or disengage entirely. 

Focus on Your Safety: If the tantrum becomes threatening, prioritize your physical safety and remove yourself from the situation if necessary. 

Possible benefits of having a narcissistic parent include:

Better awareness of personality disorders: Navigating life with a narcissistic parent will serve as education in the world of mental health and personality disorders. Your experience can help you identify and manage issues in your platonic, romantic, and professional relationships.

Ability to distinguish words from action: A narcissistic parent may promise to do one thing but do another. The incongruence can be jarring to a child, but understanding this inconsistency can encourage you to seek out stable and reliable people.

Increased thoughtfulness: Narcissistic and selfish parents want you to share their wants and values. When you shed this burden, you can spend more time thinking about what you truly want from life.

Improved sense of self: In a similar fashion, narcissistic parents may think they know you better than you know yourself. Without their influence, you can identify who you are.

Independence: Narcissism stems from a need for control. Once you find freedom from your parents, you will never submit to a similar situation again. The autonomy you discover will be compelling and rewarding.