1st of all my ex went in and start asking negative questions about how is my daughter chinese? Is she mingling well with the boys? Lastly criticising my daughter about her emotional outburst.
1st question. The teacher said that her chinese was improving. So this shut my ex up because he wanted to complain that Ashley isnt speaking and refusing to speak chinese at home or with her mum. Why? Simple because she is not providing an encouraging environment at home for her to. His mother isnt patient and He tends to punish daughter for not speaking in chinese and likes to correct her when she is wrong. Who would want to speak when being criticise. Instead of finding fault with himself and to provide a better environment he just want to find someone else to agree with him to make himself feel better that is my daughter's fault than his lack of guidance and encouragement.
2nd question. No idea what he is trying to imply with that question. Maybe wanted to mention that my daughter has some bias of men because of me etc. Teacher answered this question very logically. She said no. Ashley has standard and know what she wants. Boys tend to be a nuisance. Yes in my heart i agree strongly. And when boys be a nuisance with her. She will fight back and not want to be around them. Of course she has to protect her own boundaries rather than let some idiots bully her and pollute her peace. I will say well done to my daughter. You dont need to tolerate ppl who you feel not as the same level be it boys or girls. Because my ex cant find any fault once again he kept quiet.
3rd this is when he find the chance to criticise my daughter and putting blame and judgement on her. The teacher was complaining about my daughter sudden outburst in class and started shouting. She couldnt calm down. My ex continues criticising her mentioning that she is often like that when she is cranky due to lack of sleep etc. Blaming my daughter for everything. Whose daddy dont try to understand and speak for his daughter instead of allowing ppl to criticise and still say that his own daughter is emotionally unstable. What kind of daddy is this? I explain to the teacher that my daughter always has a reason why she gets angry. And it may not be easy to understand what she is angry about. She is young is hard for her to communicate her needs sometimes and she need patience.
That is when the teacher said there has been an incident. She ask if ashley talk to her daddy about it. Apparently not. Because the teacher told us she threaten her about telling her daddy about her emotional outburst if she doesnt calm down. This is a way that is wrong. It means u are treating a kid outburst as a mistake. That is not what a teacher should be doing. So she continued saying about an incident with my ex's mother and my daughter. My ex's mother shouted something nasty and not so nice to my daughter. See and that is the reason why. So the story is my daughter wanted more playtime. Which the grandma disagree. So my daughter tried negotiating for a longer time which she disagree. Because my daughter refuse to leave and was trying to negotiate for more time. The grandma got annoyed and shouted at my daughter to shut up. What a mature way to resolve and issue. And most importantly what a role model.
And how do they have the cheek to expect my daughter to be emotional stable when they are providing such an unstable emotional environment. With frequent shouting at home and no guidance to resolve issues. An adult with that many years of age cant even regulate her own emotions properly and they expect a 6 years old to be able to? Honestly i would have reprimanded my mum if she is like that. But i know he wont. Because he only knows how to blame his own child. Than to blame himself and his mum.
I repeatedly said my daughter always has a reason why she is angry. And when i tried to explain my ex keeps interrupting me. Trying to push the blame that my daughter is critical always like to nego. Frustrated i kept quiet listening to him ranting about my daughter being unreasonable and emotional unstable. Hard to manage etc. My daughter was also listening to everything he has said. I just kept my cool until the end. He wanted to say cons about my daughter negotiation skills and said my daughter talk too much etc.
Then the teacher continued saying how my daughter is an encyclopedia knowing every facts and sharing with them even things that they didnt know. She said she learn from youtube. How my daughter is very mature. Her negotation skills are very good. She make a mistake and her processing problem solving skills are very good. She will keep giving solution and trying to solve the issues. She take up responsibility on her own. Saying how my nobody in class that kind of maturity like her. That when my ex then stop trying to criticise his own daughter and start claiming credits. Saying oh ya cause i treat her like a friend, talk to her nicely. Never give her the i am an adult u must listen to what i say things.
When he said all this i am like ya right. Tell this to ur mum. Also what u just said has nth contributing to her skillsets alright. He has zero guidance toward my daughter. Just simply see how he react when my daughter has an outburst and you know how immature and irresponsible he is. Why my daughter was younger she always cry when angry. I nv blame my daughter for an outburst. I always hug her and let her cry. Then i ask her have she cry finish? Then i ask what happen why is she upset or angry. Then i told her crying has no use. She need to learn to speak what she need. Everytime i encourage and said oh u only cried 30 min etc. Eventually the frequency and period of cry got lesser. Over time, my daughter stopped crying and started speaking what she want.
He also has zero analyzing and understanding skills. He dont even see why his daughter gets angry except for she is too young so she cant regulate her emotions. I have to rebute that. my daughter is a very mature girl and she is much better at regulating her emotions than an adult. She not happy she will nego than to shout and demand or cry when she dont get what she wanted. Because she burst and cry a few times. I let her cry. I comforted her and I told her this. I said u see u cry and u wasted so much time when u could be doing something better like playing more with kor kor. And if u want something, crying doesnt get u anything. U just wasted time. Instead use nego. Nego may not be 100% useful but u can try. And say please. That's when she learn nego. And i change my way. I starting ask her 2 or 4? Giving her choices. Teaching her how to nego
By seeing the earlier cases u know he has zero prob solving skills. He share nth useful to the teacher on how to resolve. Only complains and criticism to my daughter. What's his guiding? Telling my daughter u are not to be upset even if grandma ask u to shut up? Hahaha. Or is it keep quiet when he knows his mum is in the wrong? Not to mention his strength is being super hardworking at pushing blame to others and criticise others and not apologizing when he knows he is in the wrong. I just sit there and watch show while he tries to act. What a clown.
After all that, I said u finished? Ok u can leave i have things i wanted to talk to the teacher separately. He refuse to go and wanted to sit at next table saying that he want to listen to something i say about his daughter.
Ok. I just ignored him and I explained to the teachers. I give the teacher the background of cause. I said the helper is away in Indonesia. She is being taken care by his daddy and grandma. Apparently the environment at home isnt stable. There is definitely frequent shouting and blaming etc. Like u mention his mother ask my daughter to shut up. Therefore it is normal that Ashley tend to be emotional unstable because of the environment she is in. She felt disrespected at all. When she feel disrespected or her opinions wasnt listen to she tend to be angry.
Then i shared the solution. What they need to do is guide my daughter out of her emotions. They need to be patient and ask her question then listen to her. When she is angry she isnt listening she cant listen. They have to acknowledge her feelings then ask her question. Why is she angry? What does she need? This will set her focus on analyzing again than to focus on emotions. They need to guide her into that direction not telling her she need to calm down.
I gave an example on an incident when i was speaking to my mother. My daughter shouted for her ah ma for a few times. She didnt answer. So my daughter became angry and starting shouting. That why i told her. Not to shout and I said Ok im listening now what do u need? She explain herself keep saying ah ma is not listening to her. I say ok but we were talking so she is not listening. So what u need her to do? What u want? Then she kept continuing saying she is angry ah ma was not listening etc. Then I say ok u are angry because ah ma is not listening then can ah ma apologize to u? She still continue. I say ok what u want? Ah ma already nv listen so? Why u need ah ma to listen? Then she started saying she wanted to play with the chairs and wanted us to stop and wait for her then ah ma keep walking so she shouted and we didnt stop. Then i say ok. Then should we walk back then? She say no need. But she angry ah ma nv listen. Then i told ah ma to apologize and i said. Ok ah ma apologize can u forgive her? She said ok. Then I told her a solution that next time she can tap on ah ma instead of shouting.
In conclusion, what she needs is guidance to speak her needs and solution. Not blame and definitely not a threaten for outburst. Why would u blame someone for showing why she is upset or angry at something or someone?
The teacher just said thank you for telling us all these. We will try. I hope they really try. And dont judge my daughter when she has an outburst. Instead their role is to understand and listen. Not judge and complain but guide toward solving.
My daughter come to me with a complain. I will always ask her what happen? Then how? What is she going to do? Lead her the way to prob solving and she will solve it herself. Of course sometimes she cant then u need to teach her what to do and give her solution. But my daughter is super smart so she learns quick. Lucky for me, she has my genes. Some ppl u teach 10 times also like an idiot. Answer put in front to see also can wrong.
No comments:
Post a Comment