Sadness

Sadness hit when u are usually alone. Miss the days when I was younger. Happier. When u are younger u know less things. That why ppl say ignorance is bliss. Play with friends and work part time is to past time. Now work is to survive and having a better retirement. 

Nth in life can trouble me except life and death. I cannot imagine not seeing someone I love or care about for the rest of my life. I dont really understand my own concept sometimes.

You dont even see them often. However Not seeing them but knowing they are well living is one thing. Knowing they are not living is another thing. Living is always better than not living. Maybe not living to me just feels like a suffering or just a fear. 

Maybe if I know is peaceful death im not that affected. Means the person is at peace. But if it is accident or a torture death I just cant imagine. Peaceful death to me means u die in your sleep. Like a nice dream or just nth. But accident or torture death means u die with agony. Is like a forever torture in repeat. 

Maybe that is my concept that why is hard to keep it calm and get over it. Just cant help to keep thinking how helpless it is and painful it feel at that moment. 

Is it more suffering for the living or more suffering for the non living? Is being heartless better or being more kind better. The ability to be empathetic is it a good thing or bad? Being heartless u feel nth for no one. Which is good as keeps u happier. Whereas Being empathetic means u feel pain for others which feels bad or sad. 

Nobody likes to feel overwhelmed with sadness always. If not because they cant pull themselves out. The worse is knowing u are in deep shit but u just cannot allow urself to escape. U see the door just there u just need to make the move to open it but u just cant do it. 

Else is when u know there is a pit and u just realize u are being pulled into the pit. U want out but u cant due to certain pressure. 

Another feeling is being a side person. U know what will happen, but u cant stop things from moving towards the bad situation.

Life is like a cycle a path that everyone follows through. But being what kind of person is a choice. Pressure and influences can be from everywhere. But the choice is still yours to choose. The path is still yours to take. The consequences is still yours to bear.