Self time

Taking time to connect with myself. How I am feeling, what do I want in life. What is my passion etc etc. 

For the past few years I consider the thought of advancing further on my career. But then again I think to myself if I am ok with neglecting my daughter. The best way to advance my career is to work abroad. But is that what I wanted? To leave SG. Will I be happier? I know I want to earn more, however I also dont want to sacrifice more. But it seems impossible. 

I will consider for my daughter. I didnt want to miss out in her life. I wanted to be there for her when she needs me. But I also feel my daughter is quite independent enough that she doesnt need me. But at the age of 7 she has once told me. Mummy I wish you are here with me. I dont want to see you on the phone. She knows the difference between seeing virtual and really having hug and kisses physically. And this was only when I am travelling on a personal trip. Short trip only. My heart kind of hurts hearing that and I knew that option will probably be out. 

Also I doubt I can maintain a long distance relationship. But still a part of me wanted to try that. In my current company a lot of people work abroad and relocate from country to country. And I wanted to try that to go work in another country in another foreign place and experience how it is like. But a lot of commitment are restricting me. And I feel I am kinda stuck. Neither here nor there. 

One part of me know what scope to take to advance more and earn more money. Another part of me is lazy and feels that it is not worth the sacrifice. It became a dilemma. I browse through the position and scope available and nth interest me. I wanted to take on more challenging job but what kind of challenge? I dont want analysis role. I explore fintech but I don't want to do tech. I just want somewhere where i can still work in accounting but a change in environment. 

In anyway for the next 2 years i will probably be on hold for any possibility. For the next 10-15 years I probably won't be exploring out of sg still. Until I feel my daughter can be fully independent with her own life. By then i probably also can retire le ba. Then i explore for what sia? Experiences? Maybe.  

Caffeine overdose

Cant seem to sleep today. Drank a cup of coffee in the morning and a cup of tea in the afternoon. 

Tonight manage to arrange a hotpot session. Same at jurong. And same with my colleagues and this time include my bf. Finally he can order variety and share food. He always nag me about this to arrange with more ppl but a bit difficult. 

My colleague also extended invitation to him to join us for crab party on 20 aug. Variety of food. This colleague of mine is very nice. She has been crab keeping and growing her crabs. Then is time to eat them so she offered us to a crab party. 

Sadly I heard that she resigned due to constant complaints from other departments. Her bosses doesnt side her and failed to work with her to resolve matters. Instead just consistently judging it as her work performance is bad without understanding her perspective. 

I can understand and empathize with her because i knew how rumors and things spread through people. I was once a victim in this company about it. Politics are often part and parcel of work environment. We can keep it minimum but nv zero. I once confronted my boss about it too. And I stand up against her judgement a couple of times for my staff. 

Certain people in the company like to feel superior over judging other people. There are also people who like to use past work culture to criticise others. Eg. We also always get scolded by our superiors in the past also like that. Nowadays people cant get scolded. So weak. To me u get scolded is your prob. Dont tell me about old school days. If u know the behavior is not right then why followed it? 

Some times just think is there better ways to deal with it? Work place is not a place for u to lashed ur anger out at anyone even if their position is lower than you. We all work for money to be honest. Nobody is there to tolerate your temper. Manage your own emotions. And dont use your seniority to bully the juniors and dont play judge. Because you are not and you are not in court. 

Also a judge look at facts and evidence not rumors and opinions. Keep your own comments to youself. Especially when you are management level. What u speak what u do ppl are watching. When results are not consistent with your words, reality hits back at you in your face. How long can you keep not producing results and blaming others? At a high management role somemore. 🤔