Self time

Taking time to connect with myself. How I am feeling, what do I want in life. What is my passion etc etc. 

For the past few years I consider the thought of advancing further on my career. But then again I think to myself if I am ok with neglecting my daughter. The best way to advance my career is to work abroad. But is that what I wanted? To leave SG. Will I be happier? I know I want to earn more, however I also dont want to sacrifice more. But it seems impossible. 

I will consider for my daughter. I didnt want to miss out in her life. I wanted to be there for her when she needs me. But I also feel my daughter is quite independent enough that she doesnt need me. But at the age of 7 she has once told me. Mummy I wish you are here with me. I dont want to see you on the phone. She knows the difference between seeing virtual and really having hug and kisses physically. And this was only when I am travelling on a personal trip. Short trip only. My heart kind of hurts hearing that and I knew that option will probably be out. 

Also I doubt I can maintain a long distance relationship. But still a part of me wanted to try that. In my current company a lot of people work abroad and relocate from country to country. And I wanted to try that to go work in another country in another foreign place and experience how it is like. But a lot of commitment are restricting me. And I feel I am kinda stuck. Neither here nor there. 

One part of me know what scope to take to advance more and earn more money. Another part of me is lazy and feels that it is not worth the sacrifice. It became a dilemma. I browse through the position and scope available and nth interest me. I wanted to take on more challenging job but what kind of challenge? I dont want analysis role. I explore fintech but I don't want to do tech. I just want somewhere where i can still work in accounting but a change in environment. 

In anyway for the next 2 years i will probably be on hold for any possibility. For the next 10-15 years I probably won't be exploring out of sg still. Until I feel my daughter can be fully independent with her own life. By then i probably also can retire le ba. Then i explore for what sia? Experiences? Maybe.