Heart freeze

I dont know how to describe it. But recently I can feel my heart freeze. It is like you are emotional but then there is no tears. You know there are a lot of emotions and it triggers pain but instead of feeling it all, you only can feel the numbness in your heart. 

Your heart wants to open the door to emotions but your brain refuse to open it. Is like opening up to a can of pain. All these emotions leading to pain that you choose to press them all down into a can and throw aside in order to move on forcefully. This heart freeze is like a mechanism of safety wall blocking all the nasty.

Because your brain overrides your heart. And you brain refuses to recall those memories that causes the pain. So your heart just freeze in place, numb and preventing the emotions from bursting out and your brain go blank preventing recalling. Daze and unoperating for a while before you manage to regain your ability to continue with life.

When I was young, I will keep my emotions down like pressure cooker and then one day I will release by crying out loud alone. I think I lost my ability to cry out loud. Been always hiding my cries and keeping it silent that now I realize it becomes a bit difficult for me to cry out loud as much as I want to. 

Not able to cry out loud is not a good thing as it makes my emotions pressured with no release. And time to time. These emotions are too full and some start slipping out and tears start falling uncontrollably and silently in any circumstances. Got to find that feeling back. Keeping to much emotions hidden is bad.