Today went jb with my friends. Time flies and our topic now included kids and their wellbeing. Recently my friends been going for plastic surgery. My face has been kind to me. So nv had to worry that much on anything. Honestly i dont feel the need for them to do also. And I always feel it is best to have anything natural. Anything surgical has side effects. Nevertheless respect their decision as our mindset are different. I was nv the type to care about 外在美.
People changes including me. One of my friend ask me how am I with my bf. Well, I finally found a partner that i look up to and happy with. Checked all the boxes that i wanted. We cooperate well at home and compliment each other flaws. We had our doubts and trust issues with each other initially from past relationship. Had a few break up during the process. Eventually with sincerity, manage to clear all of them with communication.
He was really nasty to began with. Arrogant and difficult to communication. U ask A he answer C. Totally irrelevant and annoying. Being together sort of wear off my patience and mental with each test. Somehow i still give him a chance. Then 2nd stage was when I feel super disrespected by his mum and with his temper issue. Always shutting down during conflict. After a few times i just decided to let go and move on. To me being in a relationship need 2 sided to move towards each other. No matter how much "material" u have, personality still matters.
I can understand he was hurt before. People play hard to get to see sincerity. But playing hard to get too much can be a turn off. He just overplayed it and got me angry. I left. He was apologetic and I give him another chance. I would say final chance for both of us. Interim trial for a few weeks. Result turn out well. Lots of changes and actions. He has proved his ability to me by learning and compromising through his actions. Saw a worth to stay on and accepted him. 1 year past from that broke up. Everything is well.
Till now he has been continuous learning and compromising. So do I. Reflecting constantly on my flaws, taking in suggestions to improve. Communicated a lot and adjusted how we work around each other. We directly voice out our disagreement, take turn to listen and understand each other point of view, make changes to collaborate not tolerate. Take turn to give in on small matters.
Well, I learned one thing from prior relationships which is what is consider a healthy relationship. Away from controlling, guilt tripping, manipulative and being used behaviour. How to be communicative, collaborative, respectful and understanding and lastly very important. How to protect your own boundaries.
Hope everyone can also find their healthy relationship. If u are with a flawed partner and you cant tolerate, leave. 长痛不如短痛. If you have not reach the mental state to leave my only advice is to just try to maintain ur mental sane. Lower ur expectation for your partner to zero, accept how he is, dont be too uptight and move to self focus.
One important thing to note is that it is nv ur fault that ur partner has flaws. Everyone has flaws brought down by past experiences, family background etc and it is not ur responsibility that you must tolerate their flaws or change them. It is always their own responsibility to learn to be a better person. Your duty is only to let them recognize their flaw and is their duty to learn and correct it to improve relationship.
If he does correct it, then he is worth to be given a chance. Else it is ok for you if you decide to keep ur standard and find someone else worthy. Nobody is born to tolerate another's person flaws and refusal to change. You deserve better. Of course before you leave remember when you expect your partner to have standard, make sure you yourself have standard. Everybody has a choices. Choose with ur capacity and dont overexpect things.
