Missing you

I'm officially dating someone yesterday. I like him but I don't love him. At least not now and not like T. He has a good personality. We have common interest. He is knowledgeable and importantly he is ambitious. He take pride in things he do. He is optimistic and he trust me and give me the security I needed. He say he wants to treat me well because I'm a good girl. I want to be there for him as well because he is a nice guy. Let's see how long we can last.

But he has very bad habit of comparing what I did with my exes and him. He seems quite possessive and he like to claim credit for what he has done constantly. He likes to say things opp to his heart. But he is the first guy who trust me and show me all his weaknesses. Im surprised and because of that I will not disappoint him. I was initially disappointed with him because he ask me to help him release on tues. Though he said he will not push, he is only teasing and joking but the words hurt me that night. I felt disrespected. I cried and wanted to leave. He was so anxious because he made a mistake that could destroy his entire chance to be with me. He tried to apologize and appease me but I couldn't believe him anymore. He suddenly make a funny face at me and I calm down. I laughed. He did it because I said the best way to cheer me up when upset or angry is to make jokes etc to make me happy. Distract me. And the thing he thought of at that time was to make a funny face. He remembered. Though he is bad at comforting but I see his efforts and thoughtfulness. In his attempt to prove he is trustworthy, he showed me his bank account. He told me his weaknesses which I appreciated.

Though I'm not sure if his words are lies a not just to get me. But I choose to believe him because he trust me with his weaknesses. Also I want to protect him and I empathize with his situation. The pressure since young to mature forcefully and take up responsibility. The only chance at enjoying your childhood. We are similar in a way. Both of us are derived of our childhood. Both of us have resentment against our father. It prove something at least if a guy is taking the risk to show you everything. He not just understand but he can really accept me like when I say I won't share my finances with my partner. Though he feel is not right but he will understand why. Instead of complaining why I don't, he try to prove that I could believe him.

I didn't accept him on telegram, I told him it needs to be official. Yesterday, he plan a nice dinner picking a steakhouse because I like to eat steak. Arrange a bouquet of pink roses because I like pink. And also wrote a card. He say he is shy to ask face to face. But he still overcome it and ask the question. I accepted him officially yesterday and it is the start of our relationship. 

I know and feel he wanted a kid still. He say he can understand and accept. But can see deep down he still wanted a child. He say he will prove to me he is trustworthy and he will treat me very well and hopefully, I will change my mind. I didn't want to make any comments. I know myself. If I make a decision is very unlikely to change. All the risk I have to go through again. He listens and I know he will try his best to resolve all my concerns. Maybe time really will change my mind in the future. But not now. I don't want to make the same mistake.