I have a constant reminder beside me nagging me about other things. Yes I know the negativity and I'm ignoring it. I don't know if it is right or wrong. But no matter what, I want to push my limit and see what I can do. I don't want to be concern about things I can't control. I want to keep looking at the positive side.
Recently negative thoughts and feelings has been returning. They don't seem to go away and is frustrating. Whenever I can't distract myself, they come and frustrate me. But at the least is better at night. At least I can have a good night sleep for last week and this week and this is a big goal for me. I want to maintain this way. Slowly removing all the negativity and people from my life. Though some people are really hard to move.
Don't talk about negative things already. I'm planning my Greece trip. Looks like it is extending longer and further. I will be going Rome, Venice, Milan, Paris. Since I'm there, must as well go further with less price. Not sure when will I ever be going such a far country in future.
People are worrying about me. I am worried about myself too. But I know if I nv push myself to do it, I will not know what I gain. There are a lot of things to worry about in life. And those worries are things beyond your control. Since is something you can't stop when it comes, then stop worrying to be happy. 😁
This is my fear to push my financial security. Take financial with a pinch of salt. 钱一辈子都赚不完. I will survive no matter what and I see what I gain and enjoy during my trip. I really so desperate to leave now but Im holding myself down. Making sure I don't do things that I will regret. I know even if I leave I won't regret, but I don't like to explain and get nag at by my mum. I talked to her yesterday. She seems ok with me leaving. She say my job is too suspicious to stay.
I know when I need support I should be able to get from my closed ones. I just don't like to be nagged and maybe ego. I don't like asking for help and needing to see reluctant or black faces. I like to be different. I like to do things differently. But I don't like to be question when I do things differently because some things I can't explain when I don't even know why myself. I just like going with my flow and my feel sometimes. Those feel doesn't have explanation. It's just how it is and I'm learning to take it as it is too.
So, don't ask me why I'm different. Don't judge or criticize or tell me what to do and say that I will be outcast by society. I'm just different and I think everyone is different too. To me is ok to be different. There is no one same self. I know people just like to group, align together to feel safe to feel secure and that's ok too because is the natural thing to do. Even if nobody understand, is ok. I will slowly find. Find someone who does and I don't need permission or approval from anyone to do that. Because me is me.
如果一个人哭了，两个人都快乐
我宁愿换来三个人好过
终究是一个结果
没有什么或者
Tired. Today got time to rest early. But tomorrow got to wake up early. 😊 But is for a good cause. If u tell me in the past that I will wake up early for this, I will say you are crazy. But here I am waking up early for a good cause.
Got to remind myself don't pack tight schedule. Need time for myself to rest. Need time to settle my own mental. I know sometimes when I start doing things, I overdo till I'm overtired. So got to keep reminding myself to relax. Even when I need things to distract, I also need to rest and absorb my negativity to be able to see the positivity. Negativity is not a bad thing until you keep avoiding.
So don't get too uptight on things. I deserved to rest at times. I deserved to not think about all the roles I need to be, the responsibility I need to take and only think about just me, myself and I.
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