Sunday

I thought I will be very sleepy and will be able to sleep early today since I last night slept late and exhaust my energy playing with Ashley today.

Should have known better last night not to drink ice lemon tea while eating dinner with Eileen. Always forget lemon tea contains caffeine too. Didn't sleep last night till almost 3am woke up at 7.30am.

Brought Ashley to some event at woodlands stadium. Played her fav bouncy castle. After that still keep requested to go play. I just told her we go ride her new bicycle, next moment heavy rain. No choice. Brought her to t play indoor playground at khatib. She didn't want to sleep during her nap time. End up falling asleep while I drink to khatib. Slept for an hour. 

Couldnt sleep now still. Still thinking of T. About his long term relationship which is similar to mine. And suddenly thought about how I really did my best to hold on to mine. Remembering how I plead with him. To do something for me for the family immediately because I'm losing it here on my own. Sadly the plead fell on death ears. I suddenly rmb how desperate I am trying to hold on the our relationship that I couldn't let go off. 

I knew very well which part of our relationship broke down and was unrepairable. I knew which part broke down for me and which broke for him. And I don't wish for anyone to go through the same thing as me. And apparently most of the relationship I saw were quite similar and I seriously wish them all the best. People do change in a relationship for better or for worse. If they are optimistic and can see strengths better than flaws then it would be so much easier. 

Relationship is it fate or effort? I will say both. The initial maybe fate to let u guys meet and fate for either one or both to fall in love. Head over heel for the other. Willing to sacrifice or invest. U may say this is effort too. But in our era, everyone is selfish. Without the initial connection, it is almost zero. For one to sacrifice or invest for another. But it is also effort for one to break through to the other in one sided relationship and also effort to keep staying together. Else no matter how both love each other, it will still break. Among the relationship I know, I never see anyone which has both fallen in love and usually is one sided love. But effort that make both stay together, get married and have a kid. 

Some ppl thinks is 100% fate to be together and to be able to stay together. if both don't make the effort to make the relationship works, there is no way both can get together even after multiple meetup. Someone has to take the action. Some may debate that it is god who put that idea in your mind. Well I don't believe that. I believe is my own choice. My own choice that I want to approach. My own choice to get in contact. My own choice to stay in contact. My own choice to forgive or break during an argument

Therefore relationship is both fate and choice.