Been at home past few days. Starting due to the med super drowsy eat and sleep like a pig.
Now better couldn't sleep. Drowsy but couldn't sleep. Feeling so bored. Tested negative today. Yay. Tomorrow will be flying off to Melbourne. Long waited holiday since turkey trip in Oct. Last weekend didn't see Ashley at all. Her teacher called to say she fell down. So far update from daddy is she is fine. But she still coughing for so long. Hai. Hope her cough can fully recover soon.
Super hot recently. Even though on fan but still hot can't sleep. Life seems to get back in track and starting to settle to become a constant. Schedule are less packed with time to rest. Though my emotions are still unstable. Just needed some more time to regulate and it shall be fine. Been meeting up with my friends more often and going outdoor. Dance more to maintain fitness. One thing for sure nv change is my laziness. Laziness to go out buy food. 😂 Since young till now always the same. Food can't get me out of the house. Got helper she cook what I just eat. Dont need to think. Now got to think what to order.
Now got to replan my finances and goals. 4 more years till my own freedom. I feel like one third of my life have been chasing freedom and love. Though there is always money involved and my mum. Im glad my mum is healthy and I'm not worrying about anything else. I met some people from dating app and I'm glad my mum is still young or should I be glad that I'm too optimistic? Every family has their own stories and is really sad to hear sometimes what they have faced. Life goes on no matter what.
Entire life is about being happy to me. Life and death are parcel of life that we have to deal with. Being sick nowadays is inevitable. Is like a process of life. You grew up, chase love, get married, have kids, grow old, get sick and die. Is just how long u can hold on to life. Which is why I never worry about things that I can't control. Death is inevitable too so I'm sort of prepared. Is just when will it happen. I will probably be devastated but time will heal all wound. A part of that love will never die. I only hope that day don't come too early so that I have more time to accompany my love ones.
What I can't deal with are sudden death which are out of the normal life. Eg accident, suicide etc. Some say God will test you and give you hardship which you can handle. But it doesn't make sense to me. If people can handle, then what does suicide means? Doesn't it means they can't handle the hardship given? Some say things are fated. But I'm sure you have choices to make. God can't make the choices for everyone else what is our purpose here? Anyway I don't know what to believe at this moment and is ok. We all learn to cherish our love ones as long as they live and even when they die we remember till we die.
I don't have to be rich, because rich can't make me happy. I just need to be contented with what I have, who I have around me. Im glad that when I'm down, there are still people supporting me. Families supporting me. I nv regretted being born by my mum. Though I can't choose my mum. She taught me what I needed to know. Without her, I won't be who I am today. Though there are something she overreacted and some I don't agree. But she is human after all. And as a human ppl learn and ppl make mistakes. Is her first time as a mum and she makes mistakes. Is my first time as a daughter and I too make mistakes. But no matter what, we still cherish the time we have with each other because time is limited.
We don't have to spend too much time with each other sometimes. Somehow people who are meant to be will connect no matter how far apart. People who are meant to leave will leave. It may be with trace or without a trace. We just need to spend sufficient time together. We don't control each other lives. We just make sure there is enough guidances and we share experiences.
I make a lot of mistakes in my life. Pursuing goals that I thought I wanted. People do change and so do I. I will not want to retake life but I will want to remember the mistakes I make and move on with life. That doesn't mean I let go of everything. It just means I reprioritize my goals and I let go of things that I feel not important and focus more on things that are more important to me. I don't give up. I just realign and rework.
Hai. I don't know what to say about my mum. Smart people know how to avoid topics. I know she is not smart but at least know how to care at the right things. Is like my wound is already there and she so blindly just throw salt at it. What's the point of sending me the articles about his behaviors. We already divorcing. What for look at whose to blame or what his behavior imply? Is it not enough for you that your daughter is already hurting? Why do you have to keep ripping my wound open? Can't you give it a rest?
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