Self blame and self pity

Cant sleep. Did some psychology reading. Understand emotions is something I want to learn more on. Reading up on self blaming and self pity. Mostly related to emotional abuse and depression. It is true that family background can really cause some permanent damage. 

Recently been talking to my colleague. She's been talking about her sons. Older one is from previous marriage. More independent more mature. She feels that she does not need to worry that much about him. But then it is him that i feel need more attention and love. Younger one is more rebellious and cause more things for her to worry. 

Usually people who are more insecure are the ones who will do well and make u not worry. Because they are afraid if they dont do well, they will be left out. They do well to get into your good books. While ppl who are very secure are more rebellious and spoilt because they know no matter what negative emotions they give to u, u will not leave.

I dont really like using the one independent on a kid. A kid is a kid. Making mistakes etc is part of life. Kids who are so self concern, so independent are usually the ones who knows they can only depend on themselves when things go wrong. Is actually a very sad thing. Is like being force to grow up, force to mature when you are still young and should be in the age of enjoying childhood and life stage.

Self-blame is one of the most toxic forms of emotional abuse. It amplifies our perceived inadequacies, whether real or imagined, and paralyzes us before we can even begin to moe forward.

The key to resolve is self acceptance. Recognizing that we are perfect just the way we are and that perfection is stunningly imperfect. Humans are imperfect. We are not going to get it right every time. If we enter into each situation, relationship and moment with that perspective, rather than trying to interject the opposite, we create an opportunity for learning, introspection, self-discovery and, ultimately, personal evolution

Taking away the blame without taking away the responsibility keeps us accountable to ourselves and the world around us without setting us up for shame and devaluation.

Self-pity can make you feel like nothing ever goes your way, and so there’s no point in trying to solve your problems.

It’s an “energy suck.”

Reminding yourself that everyone struggles and has stress, you can help shift your perspective. You’re not the only one who faces problems each day.

If other people can overcome, there’s a chance you can, too. Self-pity becomes a negative thing because it maximizes the victim mentality. If you believe you hold the role of the victim, you are removing your power and personal responsibility. 

Self blaming make you too harsh on yourself. While self pity is like finding excuses or a solution out of self blaming. It seems like both can co-exist and this is an instinct and nature action taken by your brain to survive a emotional trauma. 

This process is tedious and as mention very emotional draining. Looking on bright side, being more optimistic, doing thingd you are good at and interested in does helps to get over the process faster. 

Practice mindfulness allow thoughts to come and go, without getting “stuck". When you practice mindfulness, thoughts of self-pity can surface, but you let them pass rather than allow yourself to dwell on them. Mindfulness lets you live in the moment and meet all thoughts with curiosity and openness.

Being stuck in Self pity is harmful for self esteem moving forward. Someone who sits in a perspective of self-pity is unable to take the opportunity to choose happiness because they’re instead choosing to focus on all that has gone wrong.

Coupling mindfulness with gratitude can help encourage a sense of contentment. Self-pity can be isolating and repel those who’d like to support you but at the same time external validation from others during self-pity can also create a vicious cycle.

You may have told yourself you deserved something negative, and loved ones offered you comfort. Now, to get that comfort again, you may be tempted to come to them with more negativity.

Identifying the sources of your stress briefly and being solution-focused instead of problem-focused can help you overcome challenges in life.

In conclusion, self pity and self blame can only be resolved by yourself. It's all in the mindset of your own. Validate yourself, accept yourself, acknowledge those feelings and then move on positively.