Stress co parenting

Last week i was so shocked when im out with my helper. I was told by her that my ex been monitoring where i bring my child to using her tablet. My ex can tell her the location that i bring my daughter to on the day im with her. Stating she bring her to her mum house today.

Now i know why he has been insisting and trying to influence my daughter to bring the tablet out when i say not needed. 

I didnt know he has that location tracking on her tablet and how long he has been monitoring where i brought her to. 

I didnt want to bring it along just these few months because my daughter has been complaining that her bag is too heavy. She is refusing to carry her own bag due to the weight. So I told her not to bring her tablet. Anyway she dont really use it often. Only at meal times when she is with me. She can use the spare phone that i have. 

I feel so disgusted and violated by his action when my helper told me. Knowing that he has been using my child to monitor movements. These bring up my anxiety the past week. I cant have a sound sleep at night. And recalling back the few times he insisted joining the helper to pick up my daughter. My helper say he just wanted to see who i bring my daughter out with. The feeling of being monitored by him makes me feel so unsafe. Why would he do that for? 

My helper says he did that because he is still in love with me, but this isn’t love. It feels controlling, obsessive, and wrong. I wish I could understand his motives, but all I know is that it is affecting me and making my anxiety level high. 

Today i told him my daughter drop her bus card. Told him to take note not to have her bus card hang on the outside of the bag. I said it before to the helper and repeating it to him. As expected he turn it back to me like usual, criticise that i fail my responsibility as her mum. I ask him how he got his card and he refuse to speak. This is so frustrating. Cant he just be collaborative? 

On top of that he start using his usual way to threaten me by not providing things for her when she is out with me. Bus card is a necessity. And he is refusing to provide. I decided not to argue and agreed. Then he started giving me a list of what i should be doing 

I feel so drained and irritated. I want to focus on caring for my daughter, but it feels like in order to do that i have to keep constantly fighting against him instead of being able to parent peacefully.

Recalling the day back when i got so mentally drained i told my friends that i am considering giving up my daughter custody. I felt extremely exhausted and overwhelmed, I asked them for opinion. I rmb my friends told me i decided this path and knew what it involve when i decide to let my ex have her. It really hurt hearing that. Feeling like I abandon my daughter. Honestly I didnt expect my ex to behave in this way. 

But then I reminded myself that my daughter needs stability, care, and a parent who will protect and guide her. And I needed to be that parent. I wish people understood how mentally draining this situation is. I wanted to escape the stress caused by my ex but I want my daughter to feel happy having both her parents in her life and to never feeling abandoned. And i want to make sure that she is not feeling that our marriage failed is because of her. 

Today my daughter had a meltdown. Once again. I notice her grandma is staying at her house and she is having a meltdown with me. My helper mention that my ex is on overseas business trip i think. 

Today her meltdown was full 1.5hours. And the reason was she wanted to play 5 more min on the playground. This is the second time she had this meltdown. Same as the first. I notice both happened when her grandma is around. 

Hearing her crying her heart out repeating she wanted 5 min more make me ache. Then she started repeating she want hugs and she want mummy even when i was hugging and comforting her. I do not know what has happen to her when she is at home. I tried asking her what happen when she finally calmed down but couldnt get to the underlying reason. I ask about school but she seems to be happy with school.  She said she made friends. 

She told me she was upset that she couldnt choose what to do on her day with me. Before her meltdown, she has complained to me that she is upset i plan the day for her and she dont get to decide. she wanted to play whole day. I told her i didn't know and unfortunately i have plan out these 2 sunday with her and i promise her that in future i will let her plan on her own. 

I kept noticing how her emotions are very unstable and unbalanced whenever her grandma is around. I heard her grandma trying to guilt trip her, throwing temper shouting at her and refusing to let her play. It seems like her grandma’s pressure and controlling actions are causing my daughter stress, which may be why she breaks down so easily when she is around. 

Instead of proceeding with the class. Today I comforted her, told her art school that she is not well today and to have make up class next week instead. Today i let her cry it out, went to my house to relax, watch some show and eat lunch. 

Then we proceed to go to my grandma house to have a playdate with her cousin. She seems happy and fine afterwards. I am noticing a pattern that my daughter becomes overwhelmed and has meltdown easily when she is under her grandma's pressure. I suspect the way her grandma tries to control her activities has my daughter feeling overstressed. Which seem to cause her to breakdown so easily when she is around.

It hurts to see her like this, but I really feel so helpless. I just try my best to support her, comfort her, and help her regain stability. Hope that her grandma doesnt visit often so she dont feel so overwhelmed and pressured. 

At times i wonder if i make the right choice to have my ex take care of her. I question if it is the right environment for her especially when in these kind of situation. But I remind myself that I am doing my best to support her, comfort her, and help her feel safe and loved whenever she is with me. I know that making any changes now especially if i decide to fight etc may cause pressure to her. Best to let her decide when she grow up and is more able to make her own decision. 

Boring

Work busy finish liao. Feel like got excess energy. Feeling so bored. No excitment anymore. 

Been 3 months since my last vacation and 3 months till my next vacation. 😫

Calculating my expenses and planning for my future house and retirement. How much I need to save for future. My only kpi left is to buy house and travel around and money is needed. 

Time in exchange for money, money in exchange for travel and happiness. Need money but also need freedom. How to balance? When i buy my house means less money. Need start from scratch to build my little gold piggy. 

Why is working such a dread after a while? Recently getting more relunctant to go to work. I wonder if it is time for a new job? 2 years plus into the job only. This job no more 新鲜感. Need higher income de. 

Happy new year

It is a new year. 2026 i am finally 35 yo this year and able to buy my own hdb. Counting down to my birthday.

Today went jb with my friends. Time flies and our topic now included kids and their wellbeing. Recently my friends been going for plastic surgery. My face has been kind to me. So nv had to worry that much on anything. Honestly i dont feel the need for them to do also. And I always feel it is best to have anything natural. Anything surgical has side effects. Nevertheless respect their decision as our mindset are different. I was nv the type to care about 外在美.

People changes including me. One of my friend ask me how am I with my bf. Well, I finally found a partner that i look up to and happy with. Checked all the boxes that i wanted. We cooperate well at home and compliment each other flaws. We had our doubts and trust issues with each other initially from past relationship. Had a few break up during the process. Eventually with sincerity, manage to clear all of them with communication. 

He was really nasty to began with. Arrogant and difficult to communication. U ask A he answer C. Totally irrelevant and annoying. Being together sort of wear off my patience and mental with each test. Somehow i still give him a chance. Then 2nd stage was when I feel super disrespected by his mum and with his temper issue. Always shutting down during conflict. After a few times i just decided to let go and move on. To me being in a relationship need 2 sided to move towards each other. No matter how much "material" u have, personality still matters. 

I can understand he was hurt before. People play hard to get to see sincerity. But playing hard to get too much can be a turn off. He just overplayed it and got me angry. I left. He was apologetic and I give him another chance. I would say final chance for both of us. Interim trial for a few weeks. Result turn out well. Lots of changes and actions. He has proved his ability to me by learning and compromising through his actions. Saw a worth to stay on and accepted him. 1 year past from that broke up. Everything is well. 

Till now he has been continuous learning and compromising. So do I. Reflecting constantly on my flaws, taking in suggestions to improve. Communicated a lot and adjusted how we work around each other. We directly voice out our disagreement, take turn to listen and understand each other point of view, make changes to collaborate not tolerate. Take turn to give in on small matters. 

Well, I learned one thing from prior relationships which is what is consider a healthy relationship. Away from controlling, guilt tripping, manipulative and being used behaviour. How to be communicative, collaborative, respectful and understanding and lastly very important. How to protect your own boundaries. 

Hope everyone can also find their healthy relationship. If u are with a flawed partner and you cant tolerate, leave. 长痛不如短痛. If you have not reach the mental state to leave my only advice is to just try to maintain ur mental sane. Lower ur expectation for your partner to zero, accept how he is, dont be too uptight and move to self focus. 

One important thing to note is that it is nv ur fault that ur partner has flaws. Everyone has flaws brought down by past experiences, family background etc and it is not ur responsibility that you must tolerate their flaws or change them. It is always their own responsibility to learn to be a better person. Your duty is only to let them recognize their flaw and is their duty to learn and correct it to improve relationship.

If he does correct it, then he is worth to be given a chance. Else it is ok for you if you decide to keep ur standard and find someone else worthy. Nobody is born to tolerate another's person flaws and refusal to change. You deserve better. Of course before you leave remember when you expect your partner to have standard, make sure you yourself have standard. Everybody has a choices. Choose with ur capacity and dont overexpect things.