Grief

I think it has been almost 4 years since you passed. But the guilt doesnt seems to lesser as days pass by. 

I should have known better and I should have trust my instinct. These have been repeating in my mind every day since then. 

Ppl have been saying that you wouldnt have change anything. But I dont know that. Maybe it will if I have trusted my instinct. 

Because of this, my anxiety level is always high. I am always on high alert until I cant sleep at night. I am always on high alert and awareness to make sure that I do not miss any instinct points. 

I kept asking myself if I have a sign or if I miss a sign. 

I need to learn to chill. I need to learn to let go of the guilt and trust that you left with peace in your mind and heart. 

Whenever Im feeling anxious. Pause and notice my feelings: “I feel uneasy about this decision — why?”

Ask practical questions: “What facts do I have? What are my boundaries?”

Set a time limit: Decide after a short period of reflection, rather than endlessly ruminating.

I need to practice self trust and self compassion. 

I am safe in this moment. I dont have to have all the answers in the world. 

Bring awareness to a decision. Ask myself 

How do I feel about this choice in my body?

If there are tightness, tension, unease etc, that is your instincts. 

Ask myself how I feel. If i feel calm etc. No right/wrong. No self blame. 

Do not try to decide yet. Just observe.

Remind yourself: instincts are signals, not guarantees

Then ask myself. “What information/facts do I have?”

“What do I need to feel safe making this choice?”

“I am learning to notice my instincts without blaming myself.

I can handle what comes. I trust myself more each day.”

“I notice my instincts. I don’t have to be perfect. I can handle what comes.”