In my sec school, I'm happy that I am able to avoid her. I heard she wasn't in the same school as me. But the good news don't last. One day I saw her in my school. I think she transferred herself over. Luckily for me, we are not in the same class. There is this guy in class who are always nice to me tell me he love me etc. Talk to me on the phone every night. Ask me to be his gf. When I reciprocate his love, he make use of that to make fun of me. Is ok. Because I make that decision and allow him to hurt me. So I can only blame myself for that. Somehow or rather, he regretted what he did and tried to amend. He became my god brother though also with motive.
Direct after I got myself into another relationship with another guy. Somehow I just hop from one guy to another. Whoever is nice to me I will be with him. My classmates see me as a flirt but I know my conscience is clear. Every relationship I am sincere. But I know most guys I'm with are not sincere. I set very high expectations of my bf during that time. Tiny mistakes and I will flare up. I don't control my temper or my anger at all. I will lash out at them. Most guys who tolerated but still couldn't get what they want will break. Others who stay, I will still broke up with them cause they couldn't meet my expectations. Some guys hated me because of they feel I played them. Some guys wanted to win me so that they can boast to their friends. Some guys broke with their current gf to chase me which I rejected.
One guy lasted longer than the rest. Tolerated my temper and anger. He was sweet and nice though with a motive. I was young and curious. So things happened. Later I found out he was a flirt. While with me, still trying to get laid by other girls. Lying to other girls and trying to manipulate them. I was furious and as I mentioned I hated flirts so I make an act with the other girl to lure him and make him pay. Make a scene to punish him. After that, He apologize tried to coax me and told me I misunderstood him. I believed him though with doubts. I stayed. Soon I found another girl. Broke up with him again. Tried to warn that girl but she refuse to listen. Did my best. He tried to make amend. Ask me out. The girl called while he was out with me. Girl ask him why is he still together with me? He lied in front of me saying that I chase him back. So that is what he has been using to poison the other girl who was too blind to see. Lying that I keep chasing after him and he doesn't love me while doing the same to me. Hahaha. Since then, I broke off any contact with him. He keep coming to my school putting his act on. Waiting at the gate etc which I avoided. Anyone can put an act to prove he love you. But only you know deep down if he is truthful. Then I got another bf and let my bf ward him off.
I been with some guys. But only fall in love with 2. 1 is really pure love been with him a short while. Sweet and nice. Though short, took me 2 years to get over.
Another 1 I know was a bad guy. But I just tried. Broke up with him because he couldn't give me the love I wanted and is the logical thing to do. Soon after him, I was with another guy. Didn't love him. But he was really nice and sincere. He likes to act nice too in front of others. Showing ppl how he is very good to his gf. Though I don't deny he really cares and is nice to me. His act still disgust me. I stay with him because he was the only guy who tolerated my temper and was nice to me. Dote on me. After a while, things changes slightly which I think is normal. There are some signs we aren't meant to be together. But I refuse to accept. Our relationship was happy initially. We compromise a lot, quarreled a lot. Nobody think we are suitable for each other. I ignored. The relationship was long and traumatic. A lot of things happened in between which I don't say here. We got married after 9 years and have a daughter. I know why he stayed with me and the truth always hurts.
It is going to be our 15 years soon in a week later. Sadly our relationship has come to an end. I no longer can stay because there is no love. I tried and I failed. Breaking isn't easy. Cried a lot before I finally decided. Didn't look back since I made the decision. Told myself I will never be in another marriage or have another kid. He will probably be the only one.
During my upper sec, things didn't work out well. During my puberty, I changed from being gentle, soft to a tigress. I was very fierce that my friends at that time was shocked. Out of fun, we bullied another girl in class. She was a transfer student. I was a two headed snake. I wanted to make friends with her. But at the same time I can't control my temper and anger and lash out at her like a bully. She knows and she complained. We got into trouble. I know it was a mistake because I been in that situation before. I regretted my actions, apologize to her. I hope it didn't traumatized her. But I know my actions are unforgivable. I left the bully group after as I met my bff and I'm grateful to have her in my life.
My karma came. Unfortunately I was in the same class as the bully in my pri school. But I was stronger. Didn't allow her to step all over me this time. She gang up the entire class against me. Ppl side her. I ignore. There were neutral group which includes my god brother. There were me and my bff. 2 against the rest. As long as they don't touch me, I don't react. There were hiccups. But we were also sort of peaceful. Then another girl join our group. Competitive, possessive and toxic. We were friends of 3. But usually one will be closer to another. Is hard to maintain a 3 person group. She will try to be close to my bff. Persuade her and talk bad about me to her. I don't study or nv really focus on my studies. She thinks I'm a bad influence to my bff. I know cause my bff will tell me. I see too much of these in life, I told my bff. I will let u decide. Sooner or later she will ask you to choose 1 of us either stay with her or me. You have a think yourself and see who you wants to be with. I don't deny that I maybe a bad influence cause I don't really study. Is up to her to see things.
The question came soon enough and she chose me. The other girl don't have a choice but to put her ego down and stick with us. She has no other friends. I didn't confront her and just let her be. She will do things on purpose, revengeful but I just ignore. Got me into some trouble but I just accepted. I don't sincerely make friends with her but I let her stick cause she doesn't have friends and after sec school soon we part ways. I pitied her. Is hard to find a friend for her given her personality. But still wish her the best. Heard her life was quite bad currently. Bad based on our standard. But as long as she is happy with it.
Because of her intervention, I also started focusing on studies and also is the last year of sec school. I became competitive as well, I chose a career goal for my mum and I think partly also because of her. She is good with poa and she always boast about it. I was good with poa too and I like it. Use it to compete with her. She make me see and choose my goal. So in a way I'm grateful. After I left sec school, I work towards my goal and it became my career. I'm a CPA and have an accounting career which I'm happy with.
There is nth in life that I would change. Good or bad. Though I sometimes am annoyed with having a good memory. I wish that I could delete or erase the bad side effects from the traumatic ones. But those are also lessons to be learn as well. Who in life don't meet traumatic moments? Who in life aren't scarred or damaged? We just learn to be stronger each time and learn to stay focus, learn to differentiate good and bad, learn to protect ourselves. Despite all, I still prefer to have a kind nature. Still prefer to believe people are kind to start with. Empathize and understand behind a person actions because you will see a lot of things that you couldn't and learn from people's experiences as well.
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