Another thing I hate is rushing into the future. You nv know what is there now and you visualize non reality future. I don't like to disappoint people even if the risk is super low and I don't like paint a nice picture for it to break in the future. It has nth to do with whether I planning to do that. But it has to do with expectations. I don't like people having expectations of me when I already said upfront.
This is my weakness. I don't make promises which have chances to change. If I make a promise, I must ensure I can do it. I have strict principles and sometimes these principles can really weigh me down. It's annoying. I leave once people start to have expectations when I know I cant do it. If I have said a lot of times and the person still expect, I will leave. Because it means he can't accept. If he cant accept, then don't compromise. Somethings can't be compromise because is causes imbalance.
As said in my previous post. And it will not be right for me to hold on if I know. Many make decisions and many will not take responsibility for their own decisions. When things go south, that is when guilt tripping will comes in. That is when they will find excuses to pin their decision on others and never because it is a choice that they chose. Is either fate, god or others. Is always easier to pin your decision on others than to take responsibility for it. Because if you do, you can only blame yourself for your mistake. Many don't see mistakes as a learning curve.
The older one is, the harder it is to say I make a mistake due to pride and ego. 人到老学到老 how many people can really understand this? Is not just about open minded to learning. But also open minded to making mistakes while learning. Open minded to accept mistakes made and to improve constantly. Even if you make the similar mistakes, it may looks the same, but there must be some underlying difference which cause you to believe again.
There are a lot of contradiction in life. I don't deny I often contradict myself as well. Nobody's perfect. When I do, I set boundaries to both so they don't intercept. I don't like leaving things in grey area. If you do, no matter what you do at work, in life, in relationship, it causes confusion to other people. You get stuck and lost because you don't know which direction to go. There is always only one choice. You have to sure with what you want in order for others to see and help.
你想要的 我却不能夠给妳我全部
我能给的 却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束 不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路
I thought I will be devastated since that day. I thought I am hiding my feeling or trying to avoid my feelings. After so many months past, I realize I really no longer have any feelings left. Is not that I'm hiding or avoiding, there is no Pandora box to open.
I have enough of complaining, I have enough for being upset for you. I have enough of crying for you. I have enough of you.
Since long time ago, my heart died little by little on the days I cried for you. Until I no longer have any expectations from you. The last chance and the last straw I given for u to pull my hand you gave it up yourself. Since then my heart totally died. People ask me if I will ever regret. I touch my heart and I said no. When there is no feeling why would there be regret? There is no regret in marrying, there is no regret in leaving. Surprisingly I felt a relief when I left. I'm happy leaving.
The bottled feelings rush out and I'm more than happy to be free. Free from your manipulation. Free from guilt tripping. Free from gaslighting, free from compromising, free from giving in, free from trying, free from your lies, free from empty promises, free from your emotional games, free from expectation from you and most importantly free from being depressed and free from trying to uphold people's expectations of me.
Though I will still reminisce the days we use to have when life is sweeter. The days which we can never get back any more. I don't think there will be any one who can match the same feelings I have with u. The same weigh of feeling given to u, I will never be able to give to someone else. The same effort same contribution, The 100% never again.
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