Friends or Lovers

Can friends become lovers or lovers become friends? A question that has been asked a lot. For me is very clear between friends and lovers but for some ppl there is no friends of opposite gender. 

Friends are friends. Not everybody is suitable to be lovers together. So it is almost impossible to change from friends to lovers especially when u are friends for so long. The views between both, the ability to talk and chat easily and for everything is necessary. Imagine being in a relationship that you can't even trust your partner to be open minded to talk and communicate. How long can the relationship last?

There are a lot of ppl that I met which make me see a lot of perspectives at the same time make me see things that matter and things that don't. 

Also it is clear what are the important things in life and what is essential to find when u are in a relationship. Being together finance is really an important matter. Not just to the family and it is a responsibility for yourself. One have to know how to manage their money properly. One don't depends on the other. Money give the individual confident and provide a security and a balanced base for the relationship. 

Even if you are alone, you also need to manage your money properly. Ensure you don't overspend. In a relationship one may spend more but also needs to accommodate each other within the limit you can accept. 

If you can't manage your money properly, there is only one person to blame which is yourself because you spend beyond your means and your capability to earn more money. Being together is not pulling each other down but encourage each other, praising each other. Not criticizing each other to feel better for themselves. 

To be in a relationship, it is important to be confident of yourself and believe in your partner's judgement. Optimism is also another important point and the need to be open minded to accept having different views with your partner. Seeing and understanding from different point of view. Although one may not accept but at the least can understand and in turn accommodate each other. One does not push their belief and comments on the other. And even more does not need to advice when the other party is not asking for it. 

The only needed is to empathize and comfort. No matter lovers or friends, empathize and comfort is what is needed when someone open their heart out to you. One does not penalize or judge the other for opening their heart. Penalizing and judging will only result in the party not saying any longer.

It is really important to communicate, communicate and communicate. If your partner can't understand then explain in a another way that can. Also boundaries is important. Ensuring you do not cross your partner's boundaries and push their limit to verge of the cliff. Being honest and open with feelings and being able to be transparent to share everything is essential to build a strong connection and a sustainable relationship 

New meetings

Met up with someone new. Nice to chat with. Feels like same cliche kind. Been talking for a while. See how it goes. 

Today Ashley's family day. Had a great time playing with both her daddy and mummy. So tired today. Recently been annoyed by my work. Can't wait to leave. My boss is like giving me penalty for everything. So annoying. I don't feel like replying her.

Past few days have been busy. Meeting friends for lunch, dinner, chit chat etc. Feel like going adventure cove next Thurs. See how. 

Weekend

Fri I met Jessica for dinner. We had a good chat. Talking about how her friend kept finding excuses to stay in relationship. How her friend recently considering divorce etc etc. Recently I had a thought. What is 过客? Someone who is in your life and left? So even if u are in marriage but once divorce and the person left your life is he/she consider a 过客 then? Someone who doesn't stay with you all the time until death is 过客? Anyway just some thoughts

Sat I met Eileen. We chit chat a lot. I told her about my doubts and concern. She told me why think so much? I'm too afraid of being used by ppl. But honestly who doesn't use who? Even friends. You meet them up to pass time not? Which I agreed. Of course on top of having similarities in personality and values, yes as human we make use of each other cause we are social but until what extend and limit is the key. 

Sometimes as we grow up, we met with more and more materialistic things. We worry more and more about being used. We get more and more calculative and set our guards up higher with even the people closest to us and cause hurt to them as well as ourselves. That why I miss the times when life can be simple.

Sun I bring my daughter out to play. Is so hot. But as long as she is happy everything is worth it. Spend a lot to let her rides at the carnival. Play darts etc. As long as I can provide I will. 

Meeting new people

Met someone new yesterday. Catch a movie together. Movie was quite late. Ate sushi and played some arcade games to pass time. He is quite a gentleman. Can say his mum did taught him well. 

Told me some of his relationship matters and his dad. Find some similarities with his dad and mine. Both are jerks. We didn't do anything for my dad to be grateful about. But his did. I wonder if they do have guilt. Maybe guilt is the reason he disrupted the mum sentimental area? 

Different people display their emotions differently when they are upset, angry, disappointed and guilty etc. Some don't even show happiness on their face. Not everyone display or know how to display their emotions and thinking properly. 

I realized ego and hatred usually stands in the way of communication. Ego u can't say what u want. U hide your feelings. U say things that u don't mean. Hatred u become self centered. U lost sight of being empathy and understanding to the other party. Because hate crowd your mind. No matter what decision he/she did u choose to treat it negatively. 

Being able to put down ego and hatred is like a learning process. To be better self and to be communicate better.

Belief and 3 views

After I met T I have been thinking about things. Perspective from his side. Considering the factors and relationship. No matter how I see things to me are still excuses.

Relationship don't have right or wrong. Relationship definitely have right or wrong. Legally right or wrong, Ethically right or wrong. Verbal abuse, physical abuse what you mean don't have right or wrong? The victim 是活该被打还是活该被虐？ 

Cheating no right or wrong. Cheating is ethically wrong. You want to be in a relationship, u stay loyal, if u can't no matter what reason, u communicate. You communicate until the thing could be resolve and you are united with your partner once again, if end up can't unite together, simple can accept u accept and compromise that differences in belief, cannot accept u leave. There is no excuse because your partner don't see eye to eye with u so u can cheat? Ur partner stay loyal to u as well. Is not an excuse for you to stay unfaithful. Be a person and do the right thing. Your partner doesn't deserve a unfaithful companion and u don't deserve a loyal partner. Cheating is ok. Ppl make mistakes. But not saying and continue doing this mistake is the most coward way of dealing with things. U don't face your issue with your partner head on and resolve things. If you have kids, ask yourself will you want your kids to find a cheating partner like yourself? Don't give excuse and say u stay because of your kids. Sure u can don't divorce until your kids grow up, but u still have to tell your partner and discuss this plan with him/her. Kids are smart. 纸是抱不住火的. The day your kids found out you are cheating, acting to be happy family will be the day u ruin their life three views. Everything they believe in will crash in that moment of truth. 

If my friend tell me he cheat, I will not hesitate to scold him/her. I will not hesitate to guide him/her to the right path. If he/she don't see eye to eye with me is fine, can leave. No matter how long friendship, if we don't have same beliefs, is ok. I treat u as a friend which is why I have to guide you correctly. My loyalty is with u which is the reason why Im telling u what u did is wrong. I will give you a chance to make it right. If you can't and refuse, we fight and quarrel no issue. If still can't resolve then is ok we don't have to be friends. 又不是缺朋友，干嘛要跟不适合的磨损自己的价值观和自内消耗? If your friend can change your 3 view even worse, what kind of person are you? So easily influenced and swayed. We all are grown up and we can think for ourselves. If you aren't my friend or someone close to me, I don't even bothered explaining to u, if I know you, I will just go up to your partner and inform him/her u cheated. Because you  to me is not important. I value our relationship which is why I have to say.

Lastly being hang by your partner. If not interested say not interested, what is the meaning of hanging and neglecting him/her? This is also ethically wrong. What? Your partner deserve to be neglected by you? Relationship is a 2 way thing. If you can't be in a proper relationship, be committed, stay loyal, communicate, be responsible, then my advice is don't be in one. Everybody is mature enough to deal with their own actions and make their own decisions. If you are still considering this person or can be easily sway by another opinion, then the answer is simple, don't be in a relationship until you are sure. When u are sure, u stay committed to work things out, when it doesn't work out, then it doesn't. Move on. If you are seeing this as a test to your partner and see if he/she can stay beside you through thick and thin, don't do that. Because he/she has not experience things together with u, he/she don't have the reason to stay beside you. Both have to experience things together to know if is the right one. Also love need to be 培养. At the start no matter how much u love the other party, you still need to continue to maintain that love to build it stronger together. That is how people last forever and not testing the love to see how strong it is. What u trying to prove that love can't last? 爱是经得起考验而且是需要一起经得起. If you give up or doesn't make that effort to maintain that love then there is no one to blame but yourself. 

Being wrong doesn't care what age u are in. If it is wrong we correct, we guide. When your kid is wrong, we guide them the right path. When your parents is wrong, same thing we correct and guide them. They are parents but that doesn't mean they can do the wrong thing. They learn as well. When your friend is wrong we correct and guide them. We all make decisions and be responsible for our own decisions. We all make mistakes and be responsible for them. We admit mistake, we make up to it, we move on.