Monday, May 29, 2023

Weekend

Last friday suddenly feel like going yishun dam.

I went to watch little mermaid. Sebastian is so cute in the show and so funny like the cartoon. The movie was well made and is exactly like the cartoon version except the animal. I didnt expect Sebastian to be a crab and Flounder to be so thin. Hahaha. Also didnt expect scurry not to be a seagull. I always thought Scurry was a seagull. 

Before the movie I ate kimchi soup. While carrying the soup I was distracted, spill the boiling soup over my thigh. Damn painful. Luckily I have already reach the table, else will be worse if I have to react to the pain while holding the soup. Quickly put it on the table before I lost control of the soup due to the pain. Have to rush for the movie, so I didnt actually attend much to the wound. Just try to air it while eating the noodles. 

After eating, make a quick trip to the toilet, wash the wound slightly then rush for the movie. After the movie then I went to toilet to take closer look. The scar is already there. red patch on my thigh. This is the second time I scald myself. The first time was worse because it was burning oil. My whole hand couldnt even move. The moment it drop on my hand, I think my hand didnt know how to even react. It took like few mins for the pain to kick in.

After the movie, I went to yishun dam. Eileen rush over after appointment to accompany. So touching. She really can understand emotions and she able to empathize very well. She ask me if I'm emo. Hahaha. Which I am. Needed time to walk. Took a long walk alone before she join me. By the time she join me, Im already alright. We chat and she had a quarrel with her fiance started from a mistrust. I talk to her about things she has to note and pointed out things she can improve on or try. We end up having a last min staycay at clark quay. Slept at almost 4am that night. Luckily didnt have any early plans next day. 

Next day we woke up is already lunch time. We had vietnam food and cab to bishan. She bought KFC to appease her fiance then I went to see Ashley. Wish I had more time for her. As usual, his attitude just make me angry. Ask him about the teacher parent conference. He told me I didnt ask him for the link. WTF. That day he told me about the timing I said ok. Furthermore I say u send me the details. He didnt send for whatever selfish reasons and he has the cheek to say I didnt ask for it. I just said you dont know what is call collaboration? You got the link and you cant send? I cant be bothered to argue with him since is already past, I just say tell me everything the teacher say in detail. He told me oh in summary Ashley need to manage her emotions more. 

Im so annoyed. I dont know what is his point. Is always difficult to communicate with him when he couldnt be more objective and put his personal emotions aside. End of the day, I just try to be patient because I want to know Ashley's performance. The rest are not my concerns. Learn to be objective is what I need to do when communicate with him. Cant let his emotions affect me and make me lose what is important. I already lost too much.

We went to ECP. Ashley rode her bicycle. She is getting good with her bicycle and since she is growing taller fast, the bike is almost just nice height for her. But the bicycle tire no air. So a bit difficult to ride. We were riding around looking for the ice cream uncle as Sam promised to give her ice cream. She skate a bit on the skateboard. Then Sam carry her on shoulder most of the time back. She was lazy to walk or ride. 

Dinner we ate at the hawker. Sam bought food I bought drinks. He bought chicken wings, sotong and veg. I know the sotong is buy for me cause I like to eat de. After Ashley ate her chicken rice, she play some sand jump around doing some counting on the log. Then went to nai nai house shower. Sam send me back home. By the time I reach home, Ashley already fell asleep in the car. Didnt manage to say bye to her or kiss her. 

Luckily didnt arrange any sunday morning activity. Met up with Z had lunch and volunteer at acres. This time they send me to help out the aviary. Feeding the baby birds. They are so cute, I thought they will keep eating as long as you feed them. Then I realize they doesnt. They will stop opening their mouth when full except one baby Mynah. So fat already still keep eating. LOL. But one thing for sure, once they not hungry, they dont chirp. Else they very noisy. Then there is this one bird who was already release to the wild. But still hanging around refusing to go. Damn funny. 

Then got one owl, heard that when it was here, weigh 100g until now still weigh 100g. Hahaha. The owl dont like to eat. Saw the staff force feeding it. It just keep struggling then refuse to open its beak. Got to force it open to feed it. But at the least it didnt spit out. It was really fun experience volunteering there. So dont mind to continue. For Z, he was task to clear the tortoise poop. Then 80% for the time he was cutting grass. I think he did it too slowly. The staff say he got to fill up the basket. He didnt even fill half while at it. LOL. So cant handle other things. He complaining about too boring how he need to bend his waist to go cut the grass etc. 

Sometimes I really wonder his motive of volunteering. You volunteer to help out. Why does it matter what you help out with? After the volunteer, we ate dinner and sing K. He is like my sing K partner. Last time I also call him to sing K. This time also. He got a list of sing K songs that he pick from. Damn funny. 

This weekend was therapeutic. At the least kept myself busying and distracted so I dont have to think about the sad things. Z say I was a texter can reply him very fast whenever he text. I also think to myself. Hahaha. I am really a texter. like to text a lot. But also because my this job is too free. Too difficult to pass time so I like to text. If is not for this job, I probably wont reply text that quickly also. His explanation about text give me a different perspective also. Some people are just not the same I guess.

Friday, May 26, 2023

Happy

Originally from yesterday night till today I'm feeling sad. But now I feel happy. While walking to bus stop, it starts to drizzle. When I reach mrt, it started to pour heavily. I didn't have an umbrella and there are people who were stuck at the traffic light just like me. Waited past two green light. Was wondering if I should dash across on the 3rd. 

Just then there is this aunty who place an umbrella on the share umbrella rack. I saw she left and took the umbrella. Share it with another lady I saw that was stuck with me. Cross the road together and place it back on the rack on opp side. 

Feels happy when I see kindness being spread around. Even though is a small gesture, it warms my heart and brighten up my day today. Thank you. 😊

Been staying in sembawang for a few months. I feel the residence here are really very warm and kind. This is not the first time I have been treated with kind gesture staying here. People will wait for u at the lift. People will share their umbrella with others in need. They will talk to you and inform you to be careful with covid which is happening at our block. 

Today have planned out my iternary. Go watch little mermaid. Then later can to yishun dam. Nua a bit then go home. 

Wednesday, May 24, 2023

Bali trip

Finally I have a trip with my cousins to Bali. Last time we went on a trip together was when I was less than 10yo we went hk. You nv know when you won't get the chance to accompany your family and friends again. 

So I cherish every moment and chance I get to do it now. Build as much memories as possible to take with me. Time is precious and limited. Therefore only leave for people important and worth to me. 

This Bali trip is fun. Had a lot of first time experience. My room mate is WL and I had a whisky coke every single day cause is cheap. We try to teach WL swimming. She is quite fast learner. Guess our family genes are still good. Did surfing for the 1st time. We did it very slowly. Very tiring. Requires a lot of stamina. But worth it for the experience. Slept through that night.

Another 1st time experience was the big swing. Been so long since I'm on a swing. Damn shiok. Though is short moment but fun. Another one is cycle on a zip line. I cycle with HQ. We did the couple cycling. Wanted to try the flying fox. But is seems very meh. Straight line. Instead of downward. Not worth the price.

We Went to seed eatery, a Thai restaurant recommended by Maria. Really nice and we were so lucky. We manage to get seats and that day was the last day they open before they moved. 

Penny lane was not bad also. A cafe. Most of the days we ate breakfast and was too full all the way until dinner. One of the day we went jimbaran for sunset. The sunset there is as beautiful as usual. Seriously won't mind to go there just to watch the sunset. While ordering food, sadly, me and yq miss half the sunset. Timing wasn't exact. Food at Hatiku was nice also. Their garlic butter prawn was delicious. But we really doubt is garlic butter. Then the clam in padang sauce was also excellent. Only the salted egg sotong was meh. For the view and price is ok.

Went to finns club also. Is an atas place. Need min spending probably for the nice seats. Is really a very happening club. Next time got chance can go again with the right people.

My most happy purchase is polo dress. The dress that I have been eyeing for years. Always didn't buy due to the cost and size. Used to be so skinny. Can't fit. Even their smallest size is too big for me. This time I try and is fitting. Though sizing feels weird I just bought the blue that feels sitting. Bought one for Ashley too. We can have mother daughter dress.

Just back from Bali and I'm looking forward for my next trip. In less than 2 months I will be in Europe. Can't wait to be there. This time alone. When I was in Bali I will miss Ashley. Today I'm going to see her. Yay. Wonder if she will want to sleep with me tonight. Guess I got to bribe her with chocolate milk tart 😊

Wednesday, May 17, 2023

Work

Have some unhappiness at work today. Boss ask about the forecast why differ so much. Ask where is the buffer etc. Already told her from start buffer very low. We went through together some more on the items. She was the one who say to provide realistic estimate. Then now come say not enough. She was the one who say she don't foresee got other expenses then end up got other rental. Now come find fault with me. 

Before she place deposit I already emphasize is too tight. I don't think we should put 3 months. She insist. Then now got issue not enough funds. Apr I not around. She use the fund for other rental. Some more didn't inform me. Now not enough then come and jump. Hai. I also nv give face told her straight that I already informed her clearly. 

End of the day did provide some solutions to her and got to follow up on those solutions.

Talk to D earlier this week. She say she got to fork up double for the house. She don't know how much her hub earn but she is confident her hub will pay back. I ask her how long? If plus kids etc loan will only keep rolling. She say is different. I didn't want to say anything. Im worried about her. I hope her hub don't let her down and disappoint her. I don't want see her going the same path. As much as I want to insist her hub pay for fee with whatever stock fund he has. But is her choice anyway. 

She said don't calculate all these things as a family. Is not wrong to say that. And she said she still has her si fang qian. I really hope she is not her hub Quan he li bi de choice. Somehow I can feel a bit of a ji suan. 6th sense. 

Monday, May 15, 2023

本该开心的

本该开心的日子,我却突然看着我的博客难过。

我读着自己写过的事,明明自己已经这么伤心

明明这么的失望,为何没勇气放弃

我后悔拖了这么久才选择放手

也在想我自己到底怎么熬过来的。

我记得曾经在公干时,不知为何就泪流不止

我记得曾经问过自己为何如此命苦

我不愿相信自己选择错误也不愿清醒

那时的我曾想我一定能坚持忍过

虽然没能更早止损但我始终做到了

我不后悔因为我经历也坚持过我的爱情

所以我没遗憾

这一次我要找珍惜真的爱我的人

找个愿意付出的而我也欣赏的人

找个我也爱的而不是只爱我的人

贪心点找个乐观,有时间,有钱,有爱的人

或许找个我爱的才是对的选择吧

不要再找日久生情的

Friday, May 12, 2023

释怀了

终于看开了也释怀了。some things as long as you have tried your best, there nth you can do anymore. If this is challenge, then you just have to face it. If this is what you have to let go, then let go. My life has always been good. What for want to jeopardize it for unworthy people? People who are mend to stay will stay. People who will mend to be yours will be. People who don't learn will nv learn. 

When an opportunity comes to you, u grab it. If it works, it works, if it doesn't, you know u already tried to grab it. So if it doesn't means is not mend to be. Look on the bright side, you already have a lot more than you needed. If a person doesn't see your worth, there is no point to squeeze yourself into their life. If a person doesn't want to wake up, there is nth you can do to wake him up. They know what you wanted but they didn't see a need to provide. Since they don't see it. Then what's the point for u to be angry? 

The more you got angry, the more they don't see your worth. So just relax and do what u need to. When the time is right, u will get what u wanted. 

Thursday, May 11, 2023

Boring

This week so boring. Dance was cancelled this Tues. Rest at home on mon and Tues. Today meet my mum. Tomorrow meet Eileen. Hahaha. Sat so far nua at home. Sun bring Ashley go out. 

The current disadvantage is renting. 3 more years when I'm 35 I will buy a house. Rent out a room. Total freedom for myself. Jiayou cq. Currently got to save up money for my house renovation and furniture etc. Feeling the monetary tight again. One quarter of my life chasing money. Feel so sian. If I didn't get married previously, I'm probably financial free at this point of life. 

Well with the disadvantage of having to stay with my mum. Hai. Life 就是没有十全十美. No matter which choice also has its disadvantages. At the least I'm more free at the moment. Hopefully my mindset can also be more free like I used to be. Don't think too much. Don't worry too much. Sometimes really is better being single than to marry the wrong person. The only thing that cannot affect is mental health.

Friday, May 5, 2023

Happy

Today mood happy though fever since wed. After talking to friends, I finally have closure. Hmm. I should always rmb who I have by my side when I'm down. Feel so fortunate to have them around me.

Yesterday meet uni friends to chat. Counting down to my solo trip. Can't wait. But there is another trip to look forward to. Which is the trip with my cousins. I'm so excited. The last time I went on a Bali trip with my cousins was since young when we went hk. Since then I nv had a chance. Finally got this chance. Need to cherish. 

We also arranging genting trip with uni friends. Hopefully this time round we can do it. Been saying but have not been doing. 😂

Tuesday, May 2, 2023

Daughter

Being a person can't be too sensible. My daughter is still young. There is no need to teach her to be smart etc at this moment. I only want to guide her how to manage her emotions. She can wilful, can be spoilt. Why not? When she grow up she will slowly see the truth of the world. Just let her grow normally. In time, she will mature, she will learn all she needs to learn. There is no need to rush. 

At her age, she doesn't want to share. So be it. I just have to guide her to see the benefit she gets if she share. If after knowing she still doesn't share, then so be it. Is her decision to make. There are definitely things that adult don't share to. Tell me u share your spouse or partner with another person. 😂 

When you are too sensible, the moment you start to rebel, people say you are childish, you don't know how to think. People say you are too irresponsible. Whereas when a person is always childish, nth is wrong when she throw her temper anyway she like even if it is wrong. It becomes your duty to have to coax her. 

So I want my daughter to have a happy childhood that she don't need to care about money, don't need to care about other people's feelings, don't need to care about being competitive and the need to be smart. Being happy and healthy is all she needs to be.

太懂事的人是不会被珍惜的。大人,小孩都一样

Monday, May 1, 2023

Flirting

Who doesn't have the ability to flirt? Is a choice of whether want a not only and also whether when you are attached you can keep this ability to flirt and remain loyal.

Is not that we are not capable. Is just that we choose not to. There is a difference. So don't tell me what you didn't do. Because loyalty is a given in a relationship. If you can't keep your feelings to yourself and need to have it all presented around, then I will question your ability and capability. So keep your physical or whatever emotional needs to yourself and learn control.